Another tribute to an old friend

Finally, I got the blog link that I've been searching for more than a year.. It's not another ordinary blog. It's a blog from an important friend. It used to keep me updated with all her ups and down but since I change/formatted my PC occasionally, I've lost all the bookmarks.

Friends.. they come and go. Some will always be with you, but some will only remain in your heart as a part of your colorful memories. Good memories are meant to be kept as treasures in the life archive.. but as a human, we tend to remember all the bad stuffs happened to us. It will be haunting your life forever and sometimes can erase all the good memories. Treasure box will remain empty unless you are brave enough to fight with your own feelings and burn down your ego. It's up to you.

I choose to live with my own stupidity and maintaining my ego as long as I can. I feel like a winner and everyone is supporting me. It's like a good revenge and I can feed on it as long as I'm alive.

I was wrong. I will never be a winner when I have this guilty feeling inside me. I will never be happy when I realize that I made someone else suffer because of me. I will always be wondering what is it like if I'm the one in her shoes..


There are some confessions that I would like you to know.

I'm so damn jealous of what you have achieve.

1st, you made it to Japan. You always know how badly I wanted to further my studies in overseas. You made it first. I always regret the day that I failed to go to the interview with you. Oh please, don't say any Japanese words to me. I don't understand any of it. It made me feel bad.. really!

2nd, you found your soul mate that is perfect for you. By that time, I'm still searching and being dumped over and over again. That explained why I always avoid to share anything about my relationships because I hate the fact that I won't be able to share your happiness. How can I pretend to be happy for you when I'm in so much misery? I know, I'm being selfish..

3rd, you found a lot of new great friends there in Japan. I can't be around you every time like them. I just can pray that they will take a good care of you while I'm not around.

4th, you still can maintain your body and I can't deny the fact that you are still as beautiful as before. I went all the way through my ups and down and gaining more weight is not an option for me. It's obvious, no body (especially woman) want to be teased about their body.

..........................................

I hope that will explain everything.

I enjoy my revenge but it didn't last for long. I have this strong burden that I have to carry everyday. It became heavier when I heard stories about you.



I do understand you. I know your words can be sharper than blade but it didn't give me any wound before. I guess.. I used to be immune with that. Time made us apart and we grew up in a different environment. My immunization has completely gone and I will bleed easily. So, please.. please do something about this. I think both of us are mature enough to handle this kind of situation.

I always keep track about you, secretly. I want to know how you are doing. I want to see every important details in your life. How I wish to whisper secretly, while we are alone in a room and ask about your experience during your 'first night' and have a good tease about it. How I wish I can scream to your ears, how glad I am to see your beautiful baby. It's my ego that will never let me to do that. It's my own stupidity.

I know that my stupidity won't give us any good. Please accept my deepest, sincere apology. Forgive me for what I've done. Let's turn over a new leaf and I hope for a brighter future to fill in our memory box..