Choices and consequences

I shouldn't envy my friends..
for having all the things that I always wanted.
I shouldn't feel depressed..
for not being able to pamper myself with all the things money can buy.

The main 2 key words here are 'choices' and 'consequences'.
I made choices.
And I have to bear all the consequences.

It's difficult
to strain myself from thinking 'what if I choose to work again?'
..but it's easy to erase that thought every time when I look at my baby's face.

Yes.
I choose my family over money.

I choose to give the very best of me
..and not having anything in return.
I choose to see the smile on my baby's face
..instead to curse in the car when caught in the morning traffic.
I choose to eat home made cooking every day
..than luxury, Italian restaurant.
I choose to watch TV with my dearest hubby and kids
..rather than going out to the movies.
I choose to break down with tears or shouting like crazy to my kids
..rather than worrying sick about him under other's supervision.

I see me every time I look into my baby's eyes.

I can say that I never have a happy childhood memories.
I used to be a total freak, nerd, fat and unhappy.
I played alone in my own world.
I hide in the toilet for hours just because I didn't want to go out and play with my neighbours.
I hated them because they called me "Kakak gemuk".
That's because food is the only thing that keep me happy.
I ate when I'm depressed. (Still doing it until now  :p )

I remember begging my mom,
"Please Mama.. Don't go to work today.."
..and always end up without any success.
I didn't blame her though..
because as a single parent, she didn't have any choice.


I never want that to happen to my children.
I hope with this little sacrifice I made for them,
they will grow up as a happy and confident young man/woman.
It's my future investment and they will make me proud everyday..
Insya Allah.