Saturday, 4 June 2011

Choices and consequences

I shouldn't envy my friends..
for having all the things that I always wanted.
I shouldn't feel depressed..
for not being able to pamper myself with all the things money can buy.

The main 2 key words here are 'choices' and 'consequences'.
I made choices.
And I have to bear all the consequences.

It's difficult
to strain myself from thinking 'what if I choose to work again?'
..but it's easy to erase that thought every time when I look at my baby's face.

Yes.
I choose my family over money.

I choose to give the very best of me
..and not having anything in return.
I choose to see the smile on my baby's face
..instead to curse in the car when caught in the morning traffic.
I choose to eat home made cooking every day
..than luxury, Italian restaurant.
I choose to watch TV with my dearest hubby and kids
..rather than going out to the movies.
I choose to break down with tears or shouting like crazy to my kids
..rather than worrying sick about him under other's supervision.

I see me every time I look into my baby's eyes.

I can say that I never have a happy childhood memories.
I used to be a total freak, nerd, fat and unhappy.
I played alone in my own world.
I hide in the toilet for hours just because I didn't want to go out and play with my neighbours.
I hated them because they called me "Kakak gemuk".
That's because food is the only thing that keep me happy.
I ate when I'm depressed. (Still doing it until now  :p )

I remember begging my mom,
"Please Mama.. Don't go to work today.."
..and always end up without any success.
I didn't blame her though..
because as a single parent, she didn't have any choice.


I never want that to happen to my children.
I hope with this little sacrifice I made for them,
they will grow up as a happy and confident young man/woman.
It's my future investment and they will make me proud everyday..
Insya Allah.

14 stalker (s):

  • Rai

    you're lucky because sometimes luxury italian restaurant not worth the money spent...lagi sedap makan di rumah..

    the best thing is..you can always be with your children..i'm not the first to watch their first step..

    jeles... :(

    jgn sedey ya..bulan puasa nanti saya hantar puding lagi..hehehe..

  • syafisyifa'

    salam..
    oh...tak paaaa aihhh...
    kdg2 kita kena duduk muhasabah diri,fikir dalam2..bahawa Allah tetap ADIl...sbbnya cuba tgk ada org yg kaya,leh beli apa yg dia nak tapi kita tahu tak dia sedih ka,sakit kronik ka,bopren lari ka dll...
    tp bg yg sederhana mungkin dia tak dpt beli yg dia nak tp dia ada keluarga bahagia,sihat,kawan2 sayang..dll
    tp tak dinafikan ada yg kaya tp sempurna & ada yg sederhana tp tak sempurna...
    yg penting kita jgn pulak kata kat org kaya 'ekleh kaya ja tp tak hepi'...oh kenyataan spt iteww mmg buat org marah & menampakkan kejelesan kita ..hehe
    mebi kita tak dpt yg kita nak wat masa skrang tp akan dtg sapa tahu kan...

    jd pesanan utk pejah juga&org lain kena rajin2la bsedekah&wat solat dhuha..eh terpanjang lak komen mcm nak wat entri lak.
    ok,take care yana.

  • Nur Ayuni

    yana, if i had d choice, konfem aku pilih SAHM!!! aku jeles ko dpt jaga derang..tgk every inch of what they do, every second plak tu..

    jgn sedey2..sbb ALLAH dh tau destinasi kite katne kan.. sume yg jd ade hikmahnya.. bukan xleh dpt duit kalu duk umah, pasni anak2 besa sket, leh aa wat bisnes.. duit masuk, anak dpn mata..nk buat ape takde org kesah.. aku ni hari2 tension at work.. tp dh takdir mcm ni.. usaha je to b d best k!

    pape pun, anak2 la harta tetap dunia akhirat.. bukan handbag ke, baju ke.. isi perut italian food ke.. hhehhe..

    ni sume utk nyejukkan hati aku gak.. sbb lama dh rasa nk duk umah je..tp utang keliling pinggang..

    moga ALLAH permudahkan segala urusan..ameen..

  • ayushamza

    i wish i'm a SAHM, you know..

    luxury is not all women want..

    that's why i'm a weekend/holiday admirer..

    be strong, not everyone is lucky as u.. :)

  • Pinky Angel

    Rai,
    Bukan kira sedap or tak.. cuma kdg2 teringin gak nak mkn mahal2 tp takde choice slain makan di rumah.

    Nak puding, nak puding.. hehe (tak malu)


    Pejah,
    Thanks pejah atas komen pnjg lebar tu. betul semua tu. setuju sgt2. Alhamdulillah sbb stakat ni takdelah susah mana pun hidup. Rezeki sentiasa ada wpun ckp2 makan.

    Sebenarnya tulis blog emo mcm ni saja nak sedapkan ati. Tgh pujuk diri sndri. Jeles tgk org lain dpt henpon baru, kamera besar, ipad la bagai.. hahahaha..


    Ayun,
    Tolongla jgn jeles ngan aku sbb life aku pun takde la menarik sgt pun. Manusia ni mana pnh cukup dgn apa yg kita ada. Kita dah ada semua tp still jeles ngan org lain. tu biasa.

    kitorg pun utang keliling pinggang. lg la lps beli rumah ni mmg bergolok bergadai.. betul ko ckp tu. Moga dipermudahkan segala urusan.. aminn..


    ayu,
    Don't wish for that.. Yes, luxury is not all women want..especially for those who already got it. So tell me, will you live without having your own car? no new handbag for more than 2 years? even..u have to choose either that single note of RM50 in ur wallet, to buy your baby's dress or 1 week of food for the whole family?

    alhamdulillah aku cukup semuanya. cuma ada masa kena pujuk2 diri mcm ni bila ada smthg yg aku badly want but impossible for me to get it. yeap, thanks.. kena be strong but it doesn't mean that I need to keep everything to myself n pretend there's nothing wrong. simpan lama2 kang jd gunung berapi. that's y kdg2 kena luahkn mcm ni.. :)

  • s.c.h.u.l.t

    In order to get something, you have to lose something :)

    Allah lebih tahu. Moga yang terbaik datang untuk kita. Ameen :D

  • SurayaHarris

    Tinggal di rumah adalah impian aku..once financial family aku ready aku akan pilih jln yang sama juga...hihi

  • Pinky Angel

    syud,
    thanks.. but in my case, i already lose almost everything and got nothing in return (kalau di fikirkan secara logik dari segi material). hahahaha.. secara rohaninya, ada masa lebih tenang sbb takyah pk psl dunia luar yg kejam ni. hehe

    Sue,
    smoga impian ko tercapai. make sure ko dah beli rumah dulu sbb kalau tak ko akan tersepit dgn hutang yg byk mcm kami skarang..

  • ~dYaHaHa~

    babe, this entry was posted later after we had conversation dat nite ke? hehhehhe...it brought me back there..

    xpe la babe, sementara je mcm tuh...ari2, lets pray to Allah, semoga die melimpahkan rezeki yg lebih kepada kite...aminnn..!

    p/s: UK, here i come..!!! haaha...xabes2 aku kan? doa tuh...doa! haha

  • Pinky Angel

    dya,
    yeap. tp sbnrnya aku mmg tgh tulis blog masa chat ngan ko tu. terbawak2 dlm chat lak emo. hahaha..

    amin.amin.amin.. still belum ada berita la dari sana babe. tp hopefully dptla kan?

  • ~dYaHaHa~

    hahhaa..no wonder la!

    ok babe, lets pray the best for u and ur family..amin!

  • Pinky Angel

    thanks.. aminn.. love u! muahhs2

  • tryjer

    Lama gila aku tak baca blog ko. Kira aku stalker ko yang da retired. Hehe. Btw, luahan ko membuatkan aku terfikir time2 keja dolu. Kita masih ingat masa2 yg pernah awak luangkan tuk kita di hjg minggu dedolu.Kita tak pernah lupa wak...Chicken heart..remember? first time tuh. Andaila kita dekat teringin gak nak bawak awak jalan2 naik keta. Bukan nak ape pun, just nak mengenang kisah lama...mengenang waktu2 yg kita tempuhi sampaila skang ni. :)..semoga apa yg awak lakukan hari ini berbaloi2 di hr akn dtg..pilihan awak adalah satu yg kita terperanjat pd awalnya, sbb kita tahu awak seorang yg bijak dr kecil smpi zmn U..tapi kita tahu setiap pilihan itu ada sebab2 nya tersendiri...dan bak org kata rezki Allah itu ada di mana2..luv u babe..InsyaAllah nanti kita jumpa k.

  • Pinky Angel

    tryjer,
    Thanks sbb sudi baca blog kita ni. Semua tu pun kenangan yg takkan kita lupa sampai bila2. Seronok sgt dpt spend masa dgn awak. Thanks jugak sbb faham situation kita ni. Betul tu, rezeki ada di mana2. Insya allah 1 hari nanti akan sampai jugak masa utk kita gunakan apa yg kita tau. Love u too babe. Love u so much!

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