Friday, 21 December 2007

A tribute to L.O.V.E and Friendship


This is a tribute for my 'used-to be-my best friend'.

"Do you really understand what friend are for? Do you realize why your friend are keeping their distance from you? Do you realize that darling? ..because they (including me) can't stand any words that came out from you.."

Yes. These words are kinda harsh and mean from me. I am sorry. I have reach the limit of my patience. I don't want to act like I am the one who is always to be blamed anymore. I don't want to give any stupid reason to you like I always did. I don't want to pretend like nothing happen and did my best to protect your feeling. I need to stop that.

You want to know the truth? You want me to be bold and transparent? You want no secret between us? I warn you, this can be very harmful. I won't do that in case if you made me to do it. Like I did now..

"Sorry, I can't go out with you because I need to go out for a date with my Teddy"
"Sorry, I'm very busy lately with my work."
"Sorry, I don't know when did you change your work"
"sorry, I can't be there because.. (fill in the blank yourself) "

I don't blame you for not believing all the stupid reasons I gave you. I did that to protect your feeling. Why? I am trying my best not to give you the real reason - I don't want to see you. It's not about Teddy..or work.. or anything. It's just about me. I don't want to hang out together with you. That's the main reason.

Okay. I am being very mean here. Accept it. Try to understand first and not just pointing your finger at me or anyone else.

I know. You will blame me for not being there by your side every time you need me. I'm not there for your akad nikah. I'm not there to hang out with you once in 4 years while you're back from Japan. I'm not there when you are giving birth to your 1st son. I'm not there. That's what best friend are for is it? to be there beside you every time when needed. ..but sadly I'm not there.

Like Akon said. "you can put your blame on me"..

I fail to be by your side at that time. It's useless to explain anything since you will never accept any explanation. I have my own reason for not being there.

I don't think that best friend MUST be there by your side every time in need. Sometimes we have our own problem and reasons for not being there. Something more important or higher priority than that. Best friends are someone who understand you and giving all support for any decision you made. Best friend will never hurt each other with their words. Not just simply criticize and giving own opinion without considering your feeling. I will never do that to you. I will never complaint your dress are stupid, your boyfriend is useless, your body so skinny, your hair style is the worst ..or anything.. because I know words can be very deceiving. Internal bleeding can cause you to die slowly in a very painful way.

I have forgive you for what you have said during my engagement. It's ok to accept when you complaint that I look fat because I know that is the truth..but it's not ok when you start criticizing about everything else. My engagement ring looks so cheap. My fiance's digi cam is not good compared to your SLR. My henna on my hand..

You spoiled my mood with your words. You spoiled my 'perfect-little-engagement-ceremony' that I can only experienced it once in a lifetime. I tried to be happy but I can't. So, I just pretend to be happy. I feel so down to earth for all the things that I got. That's all I can afford and please don't compare the price with my own satisfaction.

Please think before you said anything. When you come to celebrate somebody's wedding, no body will say something bad in front of the couple. You will give them compliments and share their happiness to celebrate their big day. You will say something like "You look so beautiful today" although you think the bride's make up make her looks like a witch. When you come to see a new born baby, you will definitely say the baby is so cute although you think the baby is as ugly as his parent (I'm being very mean again). Hey, don't said that you never had that kind of mean thinking! That's why sometimes white lies are important. You can't just simply said anything that come across your mind especially on somebody's big day..

I have forgive you. I give you so many chances to change..but I know you will never change. You will point to somebody else to be blame. You want everyone to listen to you and obey your order. You are lucky to have your childhood friends to be by your side every time you need them but please don't be ignorant. Understand their feelings and respect them. They are great friends and please appreciate them.

That's why I choose to play safe - to stay away from you. Not to be near you means not to be mentally tortured by your words. That's what you need to know dear..

Please forgive me for everything I've done. Don't hate me because I am being very mean to you. I hope we can still be friend like before. Time will heal everything and I hope I day we will meet again to forgive and forget.



I admit it. I'm anuptaphobia ~ afraid of being single. I knew that since I've never been 'single' for more than 3 months from the past 10 years. Hehehehe.. Officially, I have 8 ex's (unofficial - more than that) and the longest relationship was 2 years but within that time I get bored and built another new relationship. The shortest was 1 month (which I suspect that guy might be gay) and I don't want to take any risk when he started to go to the gym everyday and start telling me stories about his gym instructors. Ouch!!

No..I'm not a bad girl. I'm not the only one to be blame for having so many ex's. I used to suffer from heartbreak (dig my diary and you'll find the proof here).

To Lan - I'm sorry because I left you for another guy
To Nizam - I'm sorry because I get bored easily
To Ruz - I admire you but I know we will never be together
To Imran - how could you involve your mother at the first place?
To Zaki - To be honest, I'm frustrated..but completely get over the feeling when I knew Ayuni (Please..don't hurt her feelings and repeat the same mistake)
To Syed - you made my life like hell..really. Get away from me
To Achap - No chemistry between us
To Zul - I hope you are happy with your marriage

I am being very honest here. This entry is made as a tribute to them. Please forgive me for what I have done and thank you for all the experience, the feelings and the memories. I learn so much from it and that made me a woman today.

Thank you.

I stop my searching for Love when I found Isa Yassir Arafat (a.k.a Teddy). I found my other half. I will fall in love every time when I saw him. I will never get tired for mentioning his name to everyone and I can't stop myself from smiling every time when he came across my mind. I am very proud to have him as my fiance.

I love the way he is. I love his smile and envy his dimples. I love the way his small eyes shrink when he smiles. I love his smell. I love his broad shoulder and chest. I love his sexy legs. I love his cute butt. I love everything about him. The way he looks, his voice, his jokes, his laugh, his kindness.. etc. etc. etc.

I hope that he will be mine forever. I hope that I can have kids that have my eyes and his dimples. I hope that he can protect me all the time. I hope that he will loves me forever.

I'm looking forward for this date;

22nd December 2007

He will be mine. 1 more day to go..


Wednesday, 5 September 2007

I am still a blogger

Hi's been almost 3 months I didn't blog anything. I have a lot of things inside of my head but then when I come to this page (dashboard-posting-create) everything went blank. Can't even start to type any single word.

Ok, before I stop and become blank..let me just summarize what happen in the past 3 months.

1. got a new job somewhere in Puchong
2. my childhood friend, Irma got married but sadly I didn't got a chance to be there on her big day. Congrats dear..
3. another childhood friens, Mai delivers a baby boy but I didn't got a chance also to meet him. Congrats!
4. happy belated birthday to Hana, the 'Merdeka baby'.. sorry, I didn't come to your birthday party.
5. June, July, August, September... working..working..working..working.. (*sigh* I really need a holiday)

Yesterday I worked more than 9 hours.. Office - I need to handle all the hardware part..troubleshooting, modification product.. got back from the office and reached home at 8.30pm. Continued my work for the software part at home until 2am. Luckily, I do love my job.

I would like to highlight some important events here..

Happy 50th Merdeka to all Malaysian. I'm proud to be Malaysian. I can't remember when was the last time I celebrated Merdeka in my hometown.. Batu Pahat. This year I'm glad I did make it there. Really had a great time with my beloved fiance, Teddy.. and crazy childhood friends, Elly and Shu.

Fireworks on Merdeka night..hurmm.. not bad!

There's a story behind the shadows..

Tugu Batu Pahat


Happy 2nd anniversary to my Dear Teddy..
(24th Aug 2005 ~ 24th Aug 2007).
I LOVE you so much!

Tuesday, 12 June 2007


" Is it gonna be ok? Will I be sorry for my decision? I hate decision making. If only I can see my future.. "

Ok. Be strong Ilyana. Be responsible for your own decision. Jangan pandang belakang. It's a small company but somehow you know you can go further from there. Think about the benefits. List some of them here..

"yeah, u'r right diary.. ermm.. let me think.."

.. no more working like GROs.. Balik 3-4 am
.. no more working like robots. 10 mins break, 3 times a day only.
.. no more lies
.. no more "sorryla korang.. Takleh join tgk movie. Weekend ni aku keje.."
.. no more " What?!! Raya takleh apply cuti?? "
.. no more " Teddy pegila main paintball ngan diorg. Me keje pagi Ahad depan.."
.. no more stupid question
.. no more ".. I will follow you.." (sob.. sob.. sob.. I will miss the Yellow coverage man for sure!)

..but say yes to something new that waiting me ahead plus.. Sabtu Ahad dah leh gi dating!

One more thing, meet my new housemates, Cuki and Atoi. Thanx Faz.. Love 'em so much!

Friday, 11 May 2007

Happy birthday

Dear diary..

Almost forgotten to wish you "happy belated 2nd birthday!!" ...

Did you still remember? 2 years back.. My 1st post - I Hate my Birthday. Almost every entry filled with my 'heartbreaking story'.

I do remember that.. but somehow I move on. I have deleted some of 'the most heartbreaking story' because I don't want to remember some of them.

Dear Diary..

Don't remind me about all those sad things.. Please remind me about the happiest moment in my life. Remind me about the day I met the love of my Teddy.

1 more thing..don't forget to remind me about this year's birthday. It's not that bad after all. I got a pink casio watch from Teddy and also a diamond engagement ring ( + a Fiance of course..)

Wednesday, 9 May 2007

14th April 2007

Sireh by mama.

all pink.. of course! (inai lukis sendiri tau..)

Pak Ngah : "Kalau rasa2 nak cepat, semua tu tak jadi masalah.. Boleh diuruskan.."
Teddy : "Hehehe.."

For my Teddy.. ops, my fiance! ( Nak balik barang2 pink tu bole tak Teddy? )
Penatnye buat 11 dulang hantaran ni.. Nikah nanti recycle je la..

For me.. semua kak Nitce (kakak Teddy) buatkan. Nice huh?
Bakul tu jadi kotak make up dah..

Dear diary,
I won't hide anything from you. Although it is a bit late but still.. I will tell you about the most important event in my life. 14th April 2007 ~ my beloved Teddy is now my Fiance. Hope our love will grow stronger and last forever.. I love you Teddy, my Fiance..

Tuesday, 20 March 2007

my world

it's like.. i'm living in my OWN wolrld.
Spent my litle precious time surfing around blogs,
photopages and friendster..
getting some updates from my friends all over the world
felt like crying.. sometimes felt like I'm left behind..
Jauh ketinggalan.

Hope it's not too late to wish congrats to..

my dear childhood friend,
Faisza for her wedding.
Maybe she didn't have my phone number..
that's explain why I didn't get any invitation.

my 'bestest' friend, Mysara for her unborn baby.
Take good care of him.
Can't wait to see you wearing maternity clothes.

Ayuni, keje gomen skarang.
Slamat berkhidmat utk kerajaan.
Hope ur happy with your bee.

Suliana and Neo for their engagement.
Happy for both of you.

A'an, dah dpt keje jadi programmer.

Faz a'k.a nina..
Dah jadi artis skarang + engineer berjaya.. hehe

Kiflie for his engagement

My (3) ex's for their wedding


and not to forget

to myself for having my dear Teddy

yes, I am breaking the news here

I am getting engage

14th April 2007

something to share

See through the telescope..

Wednesday, 7 March 2007

Fly me to the moon

Mlm tadi bulan penuh.
Teddy kata boleh nampak kawah kat permukaan bulan.
Macam mimpi jadi nyata..
Enjoy your birthday sayang!!

Monday, 5 March 2007

5th March 1982- 2007

Teddy dah tua. Dah 25 thn. Tapi Teddy masih macam kanak2, main teleskop. Benda ni mainan kanak2 ke org tua sebenarnye?? hehe.. Teddy kata ni impian sejak kanak2. Dulu berangan nak jadi astronout. Nak kaji2 bintang.

Rasanya bukan Teddy sorang berangan macam tu masa zaman kanak2 dulu. Ramai lg..termasukla me. Nampak kapal terbang malam2 igt benda tu UFO. Tgk bintang byk2, cuba cari mana marikh, zuhal.. sampai pluto. Tapi sampai skarang tak pandai2. Nak cari bintang yg 7 sederet tu nak tentukan mana kutub utara/selatan pun tak reti.

p/s: Adiah ni jgn salah guna. Toksah teropong rumah orang tau!



Wednesday, 28 February 2007

my atos

This is my atos. Cute isn't it?? (20/2/07)

..and this is another pic of my atos.. (23/2/07)



Friday, 16 February 2007

Emergency leave

" Hello.. encik Saiful.. Camne ni?? Saya rasa saya datang keje lambat arini.."

" Kenapa? "

" Moto saya rosak tgh jln "

" Moto awak kenapa? "

" Exhaust patah!! "


it's true guys. Believe it

Monday, 12 February 2007

quick update

Life getting harder. More harder than I have expected before. Yes, I am 1 of the DiGi zens now. u might say that DiGi services are sux, but who cares? as long as I don't have to topup my credit RM10 every week like u do. hahahaa... What post? Don't ask. ..but still I can reach Engineer's monthly salary. (fresh grad eng of course)

Lotsa things happened. No time to update. I bought a new-pink coloured-cute-shiny-clamshell handphone-z610i (after 6 years using my old 3310) last December. Atlast, new handphone. It's really worth it since I got free DiGi staff benefit line. Of course, unlimited GPRS usage that I'm thinking to cut my streamyx line since I can just pluck my phone to my desktop and use it as a modem. Contact me if u r interested to know the required settings. Hahaha...

I have spent all my-last-weekend with so many interesting events. 1 of it, went outing with my beloved-nyomei-teddy- (yg dah gumuk sket) to Butterfly park. Hey.. don't laugh ok? I won't be surprised to know lotsa KL citizens never been to that place.. how many of you have visited KL Tower? Tugu peringatan? not to forget.. bird park? planetarium? all the rombongan sekolah dulu2 punya interesting places to go if we visit KL. Common la guys.. visit Malaysia 2007.

Went to Ulu Yam with Teddy and DiGi zens. ( 28th Jan 2007 ). Really have a great time there. Wanna spent my every little quality time before I get bz wif work. (like I am now).

Got a BIG plan this April. to be continue soon..

Thursday, 8 February 2007

photo blogging

Make ur own words based on the pictures above
Related Posts with Thumbnails