A tribute to my baby

I'm sorry if I'm not going to be a good mom. Everyone thinks that I hate you. No, I'm not! In fact.. I do love you in a way that I can never put it into words. It's a beautiful bonding that only you can understand. I won't be a perfect mom, but I will try to be the best.

I'm sorry if I didn't take good care of you. I didn't care to take enough nutrition for you. I have a bad time digesting foods that are good for you. I'm trying my best, stuffing myself with what ever that I can. I won't let you starve with hunger..

It's quite difficult for me to accept the fact that I'm carrying you inside me.. but it's easy for me to accept you. It's 2 different things with different meaning. I suffer from a breakdown and people around me who don't understand will only add up my misery. How I wish to shut their mouth and please let me be alone by myself. I don't need their advice.


Dear Baby,


(If you are a girl)

To my baby, Elisa..

Your Daddy gave you this beautiful name. Actually it's based on a car's name, Lotus Elise. Oh, don't feel bad about it.. Elisa for me is a nice name. I will either call you Elly or Lisa.

Elly is a great friend of mine. I want you to be as good and as loyal as your aunt Elly. She always be by my side and we always have a good time together. You might not have her beautiful eyes but I hope that you will have all her good character. Her cheerful words and bright smiles will always lighten up my day. You will grow up as a fine girl and gain a lot of good friends. As long as you treat people like you want to be treated, you will never have any problem with your friends. Trust me!

Elisa.. Elly - Sara. I have another good old friend named Sara. You will always remember your Aunt Sara because both of you will share the same Birthday. (It might not be exactly the same, but the days will be close to 23rd of Jan). I want you to be as strong as your Aunt Sara and be brave at the same time. There is no obstacles in the world can hurt you as long as you know who you really are. Keep the high spirit and always remember that mommy will always support you from behind.

My Baby Elisa,

I have a lot of great friends. Ayun, Lily, Shu, Yati, Ayu, Fara, Limah, Mimi, A'an, Faza, Miza, Faz, Fiza, Hirda, Shamil, Bai, Uji, Sabil, Mek etc. etc. etc. (To Ally a.k.a Fadzly, if you are reading this.. please note that I only state female's name here, ok? hehe..) I can't named you after them 1 by 1 because you will have a hard time remembering your own name. Elisa binti Isa Yassir Arafat is just nice for you.

I always imagine that you will have a pair of sweet dimple like your Daddy. I want your hair to be long and smooth like mine so that I can clip it with a pair of beautiful butterflies hair clips every morning, before you go to school. I wish you will inherit my artistic talent and brain as genius as your daddy.

I want you to know that how lucky you are to be there on your mom's and dad's wedding. You will be wearing a beautiful baby dress and I will make a ring of flowers to be your crown on that day. You will be the witness of one of the most historical day of my life. I can guarantee that most of your friend won't be as lucky as you are, my dear..



(If you are a boy)

To my baby, Kimi..

I'm proud to say that I gave you this name. It's a cute name and based on my favourite F1 racer, Kimi Raikonen. I know that your dad is not too happy with this name but after a few argument, I let him choose another name for you. Until now he still didn't come out with any good name for you and I will stick to my own decision.. It will be Kimi (xxxxxx) bin Isa Yassir Arafat. Don't worry dear baby, give your dad some time to decide your name. We have another 6 months++ to think about this.

I want you to be just like your Daddy so that I can call you my Little Teddy. Your Dad is a great man and he always support me with all his heart. His heart is as pure as crystal and your can see right through in it. His honesty and care always keep my heart warm with his love. I can't imagine how wonderful it will be to have another person like you to love me like that.

You will be a sweet little boy, also with a pair of your daddy's dimple. Don't be too sad if you don't have them.. Girls will still be crazy about you as I do crazy about your Dad. Just be yourself and grow up to be a fine young man.

Your Dad used to be so creative when he was a little boy. He invented a lot of toys by his hand and he made money out of it. Maybe you can ask him a few good tips and I will just observe both of you quietly.

I wish both of you will have the same interest and I will be glad if you can accompany him to every motorshow events or race in Sepang. If you do love it, do it in a correct way. I don't want any of my son to end up as a 'mat rempit'.

About our wedding, it will be held few months after you are born. You will wear a nice baby suit with a red rose in your pocket. You will be the most adorable baby on that day and be prepared with all the kisses you will be getting from all my guest.




p/s: I won't give you this link to my blog. It's up to you to find it on your own. By that time, you'll be laughing, "Mommy's English is sooo bad!! My mom is too emotional.." I don't care what will you say then.. I just want you to know that.. "I love you"

Another tribute to an old friend

Finally, I got the blog link that I've been searching for more than a year.. It's not another ordinary blog. It's a blog from an important friend. It used to keep me updated with all her ups and down but since I change/formatted my PC occasionally, I've lost all the bookmarks.

Friends.. they come and go. Some will always be with you, but some will only remain in your heart as a part of your colorful memories. Good memories are meant to be kept as treasures in the life archive.. but as a human, we tend to remember all the bad stuffs happened to us. It will be haunting your life forever and sometimes can erase all the good memories. Treasure box will remain empty unless you are brave enough to fight with your own feelings and burn down your ego. It's up to you.

I choose to live with my own stupidity and maintaining my ego as long as I can. I feel like a winner and everyone is supporting me. It's like a good revenge and I can feed on it as long as I'm alive.

I was wrong. I will never be a winner when I have this guilty feeling inside me. I will never be happy when I realize that I made someone else suffer because of me. I will always be wondering what is it like if I'm the one in her shoes..


There are some confessions that I would like you to know.

I'm so damn jealous of what you have achieve.

1st, you made it to Japan. You always know how badly I wanted to further my studies in overseas. You made it first. I always regret the day that I failed to go to the interview with you. Oh please, don't say any Japanese words to me. I don't understand any of it. It made me feel bad.. really!

2nd, you found your soul mate that is perfect for you. By that time, I'm still searching and being dumped over and over again. That explained why I always avoid to share anything about my relationships because I hate the fact that I won't be able to share your happiness. How can I pretend to be happy for you when I'm in so much misery? I know, I'm being selfish..

3rd, you found a lot of new great friends there in Japan. I can't be around you every time like them. I just can pray that they will take a good care of you while I'm not around.

4th, you still can maintain your body and I can't deny the fact that you are still as beautiful as before. I went all the way through my ups and down and gaining more weight is not an option for me. It's obvious, no body (especially woman) want to be teased about their body.

..........................................

I hope that will explain everything.

I enjoy my revenge but it didn't last for long. I have this strong burden that I have to carry everyday. It became heavier when I heard stories about you.



I do understand you. I know your words can be sharper than blade but it didn't give me any wound before. I guess.. I used to be immune with that. Time made us apart and we grew up in a different environment. My immunization has completely gone and I will bleed easily. So, please.. please do something about this. I think both of us are mature enough to handle this kind of situation.

I always keep track about you, secretly. I want to know how you are doing. I want to see every important details in your life. How I wish to whisper secretly, while we are alone in a room and ask about your experience during your 'first night' and have a good tease about it. How I wish I can scream to your ears, how glad I am to see your beautiful baby. It's my ego that will never let me to do that. It's my own stupidity.

I know that my stupidity won't give us any good. Please accept my deepest, sincere apology. Forgive me for what I've done. Let's turn over a new leaf and I hope for a brighter future to fill in our memory box..

Strawberry farm, new sandal & truck attack

Saturday (26 July 2008)

We went to a PYO (Pick Your Own) farm near Lotus cars Ltd, Norwich. We had a great time picking the strawberries. They were small and not in a perfect shape (like the one sold in supermarket) but they were sweet and delicious!



Summer sales at Clark! Grab a pair of hot pink sandal for £20.. Yes, I'm a pink freak.



Sunday (27 July 2008)

Went to Donington Park Circuit (near Leicester) to see the Truck Attack. It was very unusual to see a race between big monsters like that. I'd love to see more but unfortunately I can't handle the weather. It was too hot and I'm almost fainted because of the sun. My body is still too weak to stand that kind of pressure.

Another journey to remember

Last Saturday (19th July 2008), Teddy, me and Eli (Teddy's colleague) went to the Great Yarmouth. We passed by an old wind turbine (didn't manage to get the picture) with a wonderful country sight background along the way there.

It's already summer, but I'm still shivering with cold. I can't help myself from missing the nice, hot & sunny weather in my hometown, Malaysia. My body still can't cope with this British weather.

Great Yarmouth is a lovely, clean beach with so many attractions. A lot of gambling and gaming machine along the road, just like Genting Highland in Malaysia. With this kind of unpredictable weather.. you can't really enjoy the beach. That's why you can choose to accompany yourself with other interesting activities here.



Sunday (20th July 2008), we went to the Snetterton Circuit for the Lotus Celebration day. There were four races for the Lotus on Track Elise Trophy. Support races include the magnificent GT Cup, with nearly 30 supercars including Ferrari, Porsches and Aston Martin. It was a dramatic race since there were a lot of accidents involving a lot of cars that day. Oh yes, I screamed when 2 Feraris crash in front of my eyes. This racers must be crazy, rich people with nothing to do with their money I guess.. And the winner was a Bimmer! Congrats to the driver.. who ever you are.. hehe..

My little miracle

I passed my critical first trimester stage with 'not-so-flying colors', this week. Living my everyday-boring-housewife life at home, doing the same things over and over again.

Being pregnant is a huge task for me. I'm not that kind of women who are on top of the world when they get the positive sign from the pregnancy test kit. I'm totally confused and scared.


Week 6

I fell sick after we got back from Birmingham. I thought, maybe I'm just too exhausted. I can't get up from my bed and hardly eat anything for about 1 whole week. I will throw up everything accept banana.


Week 7

1st doctor appointment. I was given folic acid and my doctor asked me to fight the morning sickness naturally. Naturally?? I guess I will be suffering for another 3-4 weeks.. I started to hate many kind of foods. I hate chicken, prawn, burger, fish, vegetables.. The smell of the foods really made me sick! Luckily I can still eat fresh fruits. No wonder I lost 7kg's of my weight..


Week 8-10

Blame it on the hormones. I'm feeling down all the time. Depressed. Still can't accept the fact that there is a little miracle growing inside me. Morning sickness add up my misery. I can't understand why people around me accept the news with joy.. and I'm not?? That explained why I took some time to break the news here.


Week 11

1st baby scan. I'm not so excited about the scan. I'm afraid that they won't find anything inside my tummy. It's hard for me to believe that I'm pregnant until that moment.. The moment I saw a tiny heartbeat beating inside me. I saw the baby moving his/her hands actively. I'm totally speechless. Can't explain my feeling that time but I kept on looking at the scan picture over and over again. Still so small (4-5 cm) but so lovely! Motherly instinct, I guess? Me? a mother? (still full with question marks until now)

Oh Happy Days..

Saturday, 5 July 2008


Lord Mayor Celebration at Norwich city center. It was a colourful and lively street all day long. I guess I'm more than lucky to celebrate it with all the citizens here.

I will never forget how fun it was to try the folk dance in the middle of Norwich street. It was great! I will never forget the feeling I felt inside me every time when I start moving along with the music beat.. I used to be a traditional dancer & I love every memory I had as a dancer.


Fun Fair at Chappelfield Garden

I really enjoy the big crowd & cheerful fun fair lights. There were a lot of games to try on. We managed to get 2 lovely soft toys!


..and I will never forget the bright and breathtaking view of fireworks from on top of the Norwich Castle.. 2 more months to go and I know that I will miss this place for sure!!



It's time to break the news..

I'm gonna have a baby!! My baby will be due around end of January 2009 and might be sharing this important date with my dear friend, Maisarah..

Looking forward to meet you, my little one!